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Valhalla Knights: Eldar Saga
Wii
Yet Another Horrible 7th Generation RPG
0.5/5 stars
I love RPGs. I have since Nintendo gave away a free copy of “Dragon Warrior” with a subscription to “Nintendo Power.” As an RPG fan, I have been forced to sit by and watch as my favorite genre has been abused, ignored, and mutated into something I hardly even recognize. With each new RPG announced, my heart leaps a bit, “Will this be the one that revives the genre?” After seeing previews of “Valhalla Knights” (“VK”), my hopes were high that this would be one of the first drops through the floodgate before a deluge of incredible RPGs hit the Wii. Instead, I found a game that was so horrible, so amateurish, so VILE that, despite my journalistic integrity telling me that I should complete a game before reviewing it, I could only stand to play for a few hours before pronouncing judgment.
Presentation
“VK” is an absolute eyesore. From the first moments of looking at the character creation screen, it's obvious that this game has about as much graphical prowess as a late PlayStation1 game or a very early prototype PlayStation2 or GameCube game. There are jaggies and low-resolution textures everywhere. I was incredibly disturbed by the fact that the ‘afro' hairstyle in the character creator made the character look like he had a brown Metroid on his head.
Low quality graphics aren't a reason to hate on a game, though. As long as the graphics are good enough to see what's going on, they should get a pass. Unfortunately, “VK's” graphics are SO bad that it is nearly impossible to tell what's going on. Following the recent trend by Western game developers of using nothing but brown and gray in their color pallet, “VK” features a world filled with muddy creatures against muddy environments that are difficult to see unless they are attacking the main character. Throw in a difficult camera that loves to look in the wrong direction, and the game's presentation becomes a complete catastrophe.
Not even the sound can save “VK” from presentational despair. Instead of full voice acting (which would have been abominable, considering the low budget for this game), each character in the desolate hub city spews a Japanese greeting that sounds cut-off, like the audio clip file didn't quite make it onto the disc. The main character's unnecessarily-heavy footfalls are the only really noticeable sound in the game. There's barely even anything that could be called ‘music.' “VK” has no soundtrack to speak of, which makes it feel even more like a low-quality game from 2 generations ago.
The localization is a joke. Specifically, there is NO localization, just a straight-up translation from the Japanese. Literal Japanese to English translations never work, and everything the characters say seems out of place and rigid.
Story
“VK” starts with a mildly compelling narrative about how the world was struck by a meteor shower long ago which sparked off a war between ‘monsters' and the four races of Eldar: Humans, Elves, Dwarves, and Halflings. While not original by any stretch of the imagination, this setting provides a solid stock backdrop for storytelling. Unfortunately, the fact that the main character is a personality-free custom creation means that character development is left to supporting characters. In a game that lacks a real party system (it's mostly solo play), this is a problem.
While the game allows the player to choose to start from either Episode I or Episode II right from the title screen, I only played a little of Episode I. What I saw was a bit of a relationship between the Player Character and his girlfriend Penelope. Before long, the Player Character was recruited by a sickly young mage, whose family has been responsible for sealing a piece of meteorite that apparently attracts monsters if left unsealed. The young mage wishes to share this knowledge with the rest of the world before he dies, as he fears his malady will result in him being the last of his bloodline.
Gameplay
The only redeeming feature about “VK's” gameplay is the fact that it allows the player to use either a Wiimote+Nunchuck or a Classic Controller and features no motion controls. Upon first popping this game into my Wii, I was disgusted to learn that it was an Action-RPG instead of a traditional turn-based game. While being an ARPG isn't a deal breaker in-and-of-itself, the fact that the controls are absolutely horrible not only breaks the deal, but sexually assaults the deal and throws its defiled remains into a wood chipper. This game is made unplayable primarily due to the fact that it uses a combat system that is nearly identical to the horrible “Shining Soul” games that polluted the Gameboy Advance several years ago. The player is burdened with actually lining up attacks against enemies, which is insanely difficult due to how clunky the character's movements are. If the player actually does manage to correctly aim a strike, the game's random number generator does its thing and decides if the hit was ‘actually' a hit and how much damage this theoretical hit might have done. However, instead of my occasional well-aligned strikes causing little numbers to show up on the target monster, instead I saw nothing but the word ‘AVOID.' Thus combat devolves into nothing but a string of random flailing, as it's impossible to interrupt an attack after it has been cued by pressing either the Light Attack or Heavy Attack button, nor is it possible to block or dodge enemy attacks in any meaningful way. Honestly, this game seems like it would be a perfect match-made-in-Hell for motion controls.
In addition to the horrible combat, “VK” features a completely uninspired quest system. These things seem to be in every RPG nowadays, and the genre is the worse for it. Instead of offering a compelling reason for players to explore and discover side quests, the quests are all doled out by a shopkeeper in the hub town. Quests consist of such inspired activities as, “Go here and kill X copies of monster A.”
“VK” also features a job system that allows the player to play as either a Fighter, Thief, Mage, or Priest from the start. According to the instruction manual, other jobs can be discovered and unlocked by suffering through more of the game. While the job system is fairly nice compared to others I've seen (like “Dragon Quest 9”), allowing the player to mix-and-match skills from all of the different jobs at the same time, it isn't a compelling reason to keep playing.
Finally, the game features a number of other design choices ranging from odd to awful. While the game is nice enough to provide a place to store items and money from the start, it counters this unlimited storage by providing the Player Character with a small carrying capacity. The Player Character also cannot change equipment outside of town, so finding a new piece of loot in the field leads to nothing but delayed gratification (or disappointment) as it must be appraised in town and equipped in town. Equipment also depends on the Player Character's equipment capacity score, which increases as he gains levels. Equipment capacity is included solely to ensure that the Player Character doesn't find a piece of loot in a random drop that is ‘too good' for him at his current level. Finally, equipment takes damages as it is used, so it needs to be repaired frequently by the hub town blacksmith.
Overall
“Valhalla Knights” is an abomination, a travesty, and another crushing blow to the RPG genre as a whole. If developers keep producing garbage like this, it won't be long before my favorite genre goes extinct. I cannot recommend this game to anyone. It is absolutely worthless. DO NOT BUY IT!
Presentation: 0.5/5
Story: 2.5/5
Gameplay: 0.5/5
Overall (not an average): 0.5/5
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