Why I Don’t Own a Tablet PC
Nelson Schneider - wrote on 07/20/12 at 07:37 PM CT
I have been intrigued by the concept of tablet computers since they were referred to as "UMPCs." Yet, here we are in 2012, in the midst of the “post-PC” tablet revolution, and I still don’t own one. No iPad, no Droid, no nothin’! Why? Allow me to elaborate.
I never sprang for a UMPC back in 2006 because they were high-priced gadgets with anemic hardware. If I was going to own such a device, I wanted the ability to use all of my regular Windows software on it. Paying twice as much for half the hardware capability as my regular desktop PC just didn’t click with me, so I waited for the price to drop.
I’m still waiting.
While the UMPC evolutionary branch still exists, it was largely a dead-end, supplanted by true tablet PCs inspired by touchscreen smartphones. Thanks to a huge marketing blitz and rapid release schedule most people think Apple invented the tablet PC concept with their iPad, despite the fact that similar concepts were actually in development by a …
Ouya! Oh Yeah?
Nelson Schneider - wrote on 07/15/12 at 02:58 PM CT
This past week, a new Indie developer came out of nowhere and took the world of console games by surprise. This new company, called Ouya, isn’t, however, an Indie game developer, but an Indie console developer. Could such a thing actually work?
Ouya launched via Kickstarter with a relatively-small venture capital goal of $950,000. Less than $1 million to engineer, manufacture, and distribute a game console? Sony, Microsoft, and Nintendo should take notice! Of course, Ouya didn’t just earn their initial goal: As of this writing, they have accumulated nearly $5 million in contributions, the vast majority of which comes from backers at the $99 level, which essentially amounts to pre-orders, as $99 will be the Ouya console’s retail price.
In the modern console environment, the Ouya is bucking all of the trends. While the PS3 launched at the price of a decent laptop computer, the Xbox 360 launched at an equivalent price to a reasonable desktop PC, and the Wii launched at the …
Backlog: The Embiggening - July, 2012
Nelson Schneider - wrote on 07/05/12 at 01:42 PM CT
Welcome to another look into the near future. As the summer game drought continues, let’s see what has managed to trickle forth from the dry well in July.
In a shocking turn of events, not a single FPS is coming in July. Is this a sign that the Mayans were right about the world coming to an end? If so, why are there no FPSes in July, while the Mayan calendar runs out in December? Regardless, I’m just happy that the cockroach of genres this-gen is taking a little break.
Of course, the OTHER genre cockroach is still going strong: Licensed games. This month every platform capable of running it is getting a tie-in for “Ice Age 3: Continental Drift.” In addition, the two big-boy consoles are getting a licensed exercise game based on Adidas shoes for use with their respective motion controllers.
The only other noteworthy console releases consist of multi-platform titles. For driving fans, there’s “Test Drive: Ferrari Legends.” For jocks, there’s “NCAA Football …
Best and Worst Game Consoles: Part 2 - Villains
Nelson Schneider - wrote on 06/29/12 at 04:01 PM CT
Last week, I covered the heroes of console gaming. But it seems that where there is good, there must always be evil. When acts of greatness are replaced with evil deeds, not only do gamers suffer, but the industry as a whole suffers.
This week, I will look at the five vilest villains of console gaming:
5. Sega Genesis + Sega CD + Sega 32X
In contrast to the wise philosopher-king of the 16-bit era, the Genesis was nothing but a sophist, attempting to lure-in the uneducated through tricky wordplay. ‘I do what Nintendon’t!’ it said. ‘Blast Processing!’ it said. And when its sophistry failed, the Genesis tried to seduce the lowest common denominator among American gamers (a nation where the villain actually found some popularity) with bread and circuses: ‘My version of “Mortal Kombat” has blood!’ Regardless of its evil nature, the Genesis made a fine rival for the SNES, and the competition between the two was part of what made the Golden Age golden. Sadly, …
Best and Worst Game Consoles: Part 1 - Heroes
Nelson Schneider - wrote on 06/24/12 at 03:47 PM CT
As the 7th Generation of consoles draws to a close and the PS3, Wii, and Xbox 360 take their last, gasping breaths before shuffling-off into obscurity, it seems like a good time to take a retrospective look at the history of game consoles. This week and next week, I will stroll among the headstones, offering tribute to those great console heroes that have built the gaming hobby into a wonderful thing, while spitting upon the graves of those who would be better off forgotten, if not for the fact that remembering the great failings in history is the only way to avoid repeating them.
This week, I will look at the five greatest heroes of console gaming:
5. Nintendo Entertainment System
Looking back, the NES didn’t exactly have a stellar library of games. The library of games was pretty big, but for the most part (though there are several exceptions), the only ones worth playing were by Capcom, Enix, ICOM, Konami, or Nintendo themselves. But what makes the NES a hero among game …
10 Game Sequels that Surpassed their Originals
Nelson Schneider - wrote on 06/16/12 at 12:50 PM CT
Previously, I looked at examples of sequels that went horribly, horribly wrong. But on the reverse side of that coins are sequels that didn’t just meet their originating game in quality and enjoyability, but actually surpassed it in every way. Here are 10 examples of sequels to mediocre-to-poor games that ended up being spectacular.
10. Silent Hill 2
While I am of the opinion that all Survival Horror games can die in a fire, Chris informs me that “Silent Hill 2” is scarier and generally more awesome than “Silent Hill.” I guess we’ll have to take his word for it?
9. 007: Agent Under Fire
This follow-up to the ridiculously-over-hyped “GoldenEye 64” blew away Rare’s crowning achievement in every way. Not only did it look much better and have a much more usable default control layout, it was also a Bond game that wasn’t based on a movie. The entirely original narrative combined with a mission layout that felt like it was designed specifically to be a game …
E3 Impressions 2012
Nelson Schneider - wrote on 06/08/12 at 04:28 PM CT
After last year’s exciting E3, this year was a significant let down. Just when it seemed E3 was recovering from its near crash-and-burn in 2006, we get another year full of blandness, secrets, and overall malaise. While there were still a few rays of hope in E3 2012, it was a disappointing showing from all the major players.
Microsoft:
Want: Nothing
Not Sure if Want: Nothing
Do Not Want: Everything (SmartGlass, Kinect, new Xbox games)
Microsoft did a great job this year of reinforcing my disdain for the Xbox 360. Between SmartGlass (useless for someone who doesn’t own a smartphone or tablet), a variety of Kinect retardation (the Kinect should be solely used for UI navigation, never for gameplay), and the usual slew of ‘M for Juvenile’ games I am so fond of ignoring, MS may as well have stayed home and continued working on Windows 8.
Sony:
Want: “PlayStation All-Stars Battle Royale,” “LittleBigPlanet Karting”
Not Sure if Want: PS3 Wheel, “Ni no …
Backlog: The Embiggening - June, 2012
Nelson Schneider - wrote on 05/31/12 at 10:51 PM CT
Welcome to a new monthly feature on MeltedJoystick, in which I take a look at the games coming in the next month, then weep at the fact that my backlog just refuses to get any smaller. Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately, at least for me) this month’s new releases look mostly like uninteresting swill. Let’s get down to it.
It wouldn’t be a month in modern gaming without the release of at least three First-Person Shooters, and June looks like it won’t disappoint with the releases of “Inversion,” a Tom Clancy game, and “Borderlands 2.” For those who like to see their character’s back, there’s also the Third-Person Shooter, “Spec Ops: The Line.” Yawn.
And a month never goes by without huge publishers smearing licensed garbage across every platform capable of running it (or a version of it). This month we’re being graced with the presence of “Madagascar 3: The Video Game,” an iCarly game, “Brave: The Video Game,” “Lego Batman 2,” and “The …
Review Round-Up: Spring 2012
Nelson Schneider - wrote on 05/28/12 at 02:01 PM CT
Welcome back to another installment of the MeltedJoystick Review Round-Up. Here’s what our staff has reviewed since last time:
Nelson’s Reviews:
The MeltedJoystick staff found ourselves burning through a LOT of multi-player games this quarter… so much so that we’re running out of new things to play! When not playing couch-co-op with the rest of the crew, I found myself playing through a host of abominations. I also got my retro on with both a spiritual successor and a direct sequel to two of my favorite old-school dungeon-crawlers. Sadly, only one of those games rose to the occasion.
“Ratchet & Clank: All 4 One” – 3.5/5
“Castle Crashers” – 3/5
“White Knight Chronicles II” – 2/5
“Rayman Origins” – 4/5
“The Kore Gang” – 2/5
“Castlevania: Harmony of Despair” – 1.5/5
“Rygar: The Legendary Adventure” – 2/5
“Kirby's Return to Dreamland” – 5/5
“Legend of Grimrock” – 4.5/5
“Spore Hero” – 3.5/5
“Stonekeep: …
10 Game Sequels that Pooped on their Originals
Nelson Schneider - wrote on 05/19/12 at 06:41 PM CT
Sequels: Love them or hate them, they are a fact of life in creative media. There is always another story to tell for a given setting or groups of characters. It’s easier to tell a great story when free to focus on the story, rather than the nuts-and-bolts and stuff that goes on behind the scenes. Sometimes sequels are great, building upon the original and hammering out the bad parts until there is nothing left but burnished gold…
But sometimes sequels go completely astray from what earned their originals enough praise from critics and consumers to warrant said sequel. Here’s a list of the worst offenders, which, instead of honoring their originals and building on what made them great, pulled-down their metaphorical pants and evacuated their bowels in the worst possible way.
10. Duke Nukem Forever
While I am of the opinion that it’s impossible to make poop worse by pooping on it, Chris informs me that “Duke Nukem Forever” completely defiles the original “Duke …
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