Why ‘Final Fantasy’ Sucks Now
Nelson Schneider - wrote on 09/23/17 at 02:33 PM CT
A picture is worth a thousand words, right? Well, Square Enix, the company that in 2012 was considered a ‘complete failure’ is still failing away. We thought the “Final Fantasy 13” Trilogy was bad enough, but “Final Fantasy Versus 13 15” has really taken things to a whole new level (so much so that neither Chris nor I, both long time ‘FF’ fans, have any plans to touch it). Smartphones and luxury sedans in a FANTASY game? Square Enix seems to have nothing but contempt for its audience at this point, pandering to the lowest common denominator whose banal minds can’t conceive of a world without smartphones and instant communication.
Many plot tropes used in both Fantasy and historical fiction are completely subverted by the presence of instant, long-distance communication, which will cause the writing to become more tortured than it already has been for decades. On the other hand, limited forms of instant communication have existed in Fantasy Role-Playing since …
The House Wins; We All Lose
Nelson Schneider - wrote on 09/16/17 at 05:34 PM CT
Over the last several years, I’ve found myself harping on the evils of DLC and microtransactions, completely dismayed at the success of these predatory, unscrupulous, and consumer hostile practices in the videogames industry that are significantly influenced by the nascent mobile apps industry. Unfortunately, instead of slowing down as consumers balk and push-back against these practices, they’re only gaining Steam… yes, with a capital “S,” as even Valve’s PC gaming marketplace, once an exclusive club where only the most virtuous developers and publishers could peddle their wares, has been caught up in this ‘new’ economy where free games make profits off of microtransactions that merely buy the chance that a useful item might pop out of a randomized loot container. Third party websites even went so far as to construct an elaborate system of full-blown gambling, where competitors could bet real cash on the outcome of opening a Valve loot box (which was purchased from …
At Long Last, “Pokemon Rusty” Gets the Finale it Deserves
Nelson Schneider - wrote on 09/10/17 at 03:20 PM CT
I’ve been a fan of the Dorkly YouTube channel’s “Pokemon Rusty” webseries since the very first episode, which was posted in November of 2012. For those who aren’t in on the joke, “Pokemon Rusty” is a spoof of the original Red/Blue/Yellow versions of Game Freak’s “Pokemon,” but instead of following the adventures of a competent up-and-coming pokemon trainer as he struggles against adversity to become the very best (like no one ever was), we instead get to bear witness to the world’s literal worst pokemon trainer, a bespectacled Jewish kid named Rusty whose Dad wants him to give up on this ‘pokemon’ nonsense to work in the family deli (Presumably, Rusty would still get to hang out with lots of Delibirds… eh? Eh!?).
Naturally, Rusty doesn’t listen to his parents (he is legally an adult at 10 years old, after all), and goes about following in the footsteps of his pokemon idol, Red. Rusty isn’t actually malevolent, but his sheer incompetence leads …
Review Round-Up: Summer 2017
Nelson Schneider - wrote on 09/02/17 at 02:00 PM CT
Welcome back to another installment of the MeltedJoystick Review Round-Up. Here’s what our staff has reviewed since last time:
Nelson’s Reviews:
This Summer, I chased – and caught! – the 16-bit dragon. I had an excellent time with “RetroArch” and partied like it was 1996 with a whole slew of SNES and TG-16 titles I’d never played before (and since many of them are super short, I was able to submit a LOT of reviews). My favorite game of the quarter, though, turned out to be the 2006 Game Boy Advance “EarthBound” sequel, “Mother 3.” You have no idea how close that game came to receiving a perfect score… It’s criminal that Nintendo won’t officially localize it.
“Terranigma” – 4/5
“Lara Croft and the Guardian of Light” – 4.5/5
“Deus Ex: Human Revolution” – 3/5
“Dungeon Defenders 2” – 3/5
“Bahamut Lagoon” – 4.5/5
“Do-Re-Mi Fantasy: Milon’s Quest” – 3.5/5
“Star Trek Timelines” – 3/5
“Mother 3 (a.k.a., …
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