Rating of
1.5/5
When Games Suck!
Nelson Schneider - wrote on 05/30/14
I was initially interested in “When Vikings Attack!” (“WVA”) due to a gameplay video that revealed what looked like a “Pikmin”-esque game with local multi-player. After actually playing “WVA,” however, I discovered, much to my chagrin, that its similarities to “Pikmin” are purely superficial and the multi-player mode is limited to online vs. battles. Indeed, after a bit of hands-on time with the game, it became clear that “WVA” has no redeeming qualities whatsoever.
Presentation
“WVA” is a very simplistic-looking game. The character designs are all cartoony, but are hideous and look far too similar to each other, while the environments are the type of bland (yet colorful) things one might expect to see come out of a first-year computer modeling classroom. The soundtrack is annoying and repetitive… during the times the game actually decides to provide background music, which was far less-often than I was expecting.
The only actually-good feature of “WVA’s” presentation is the bizarre ‘informational videos’ that play between certain stages. These are filled with dry British humor and remind me a bit of a low-end Monty Python rip-off… in that I spent most of my time facepalming while watching them.
Story
If I had to pick a high point for “WVA,” it would be that the humorous solutions to the Viking Problem presented in the between-stage videos does provide a narrative of escalating violence in which British citizens are encouraged by the Department of Vikings to bring to bear ever-more-potent (and destructive) tools against the Viking invaders.
Granted, it’s not really a cohesive narrative, and there really is no ‘story’ to speak of. Of course, I tired of the game 6 stages from the end and had zero desire to return, so it’s possible that the reason for the Viking invasion is explained at some point, but suffering through the terrible gameplay just to see another short, surreal, and nonsensical video didn’t make it onto my list of things I want to do.
Gameplay
“WVA” is NOT a “Pikmin” clone. I cannot emphasize this fact enough. All of the gameplay videos show a group of Pikmin-like citizens running around as a group, throwing stuff at Vikings in order to kill them. THAT IS ALL THERE IS TO THE GAME! There is no persistent improvement to the player’s squad of citizens. Likewise, there is no objective besides getting from Point A to Point B in each of the games too-numerous stages. As a shallow, dumb experience, “WVA” might have been tolerable had it only 5 stages or so, but it actually has 15 (each of which takes only a few minutes to a half hour to complete). Sure, some stages might include a one-shot gimmick, but I found these to be far more annoying than engaging.
In actuality, “WVA” is a Beat ‘em Up with the gimmick of the player’s team consisting of a random group of people who are expendable and can easily be replaced by any other citizens (or sometimes even converted Vikings) who happen to wander by. There are a whopping 3 special citizens (a Runner, and Pitcher, and a Weightlifter) who provide bonuses (to movement speed, throwing distance, and moveable object size, respectively) to the group as long as they remain alive.
The core gameplay itself boils down to two mechanics: throwing stuff and dashing. Approaching most objects in the environment causes the player’s team (or the Viking team(s)) to pick up the item. Once holding an object, hitting Square or O causes the team to throw it in the general direction they’re facing. Hitting X causes the team to do a short dash (with a brief cooldown between dashes). Dashing can be used for evasion, but dashing into an enemy team can push them off ledges or steal whatever object they’re carrying. Likewise, dashing into an airborne object allows the player’s team to catch it.
Each stage is divided into chunks which must be cleared without dying. Dying during a stage simply restarts the current chunk, until the player manages to progress to the next chunk. Each stage also has three insanely difficult par challenges – one for score, one for time, and one for casualties – that can earn the player up to three meaningless gold stars. I never managed to earn a single gold star, but I don’t really care, as honing the masterful skill required to earn any of them would involve replaying the game’s boring, inane stages over and over again, and once was enough, thank you very much.
Overall
I honestly have no idea how the steaming turd that is “When Vikings Attack!” made it onto a disc called “The Best of PlayStation Network Vol. 1.” While it is true that I have been sorely disappointed by pretty much everything I’ve played on PSN (“PixelJunk Shooter” is the sole exception), I find it hard to believe that THIS is one of the best. “WVA” is a boring, repetitive, shallow, and ultimately pointless little Beat ‘em Up that relies on a superficial resemblance to a high-quality Nintendo franchise to lure-in buyers before revealing the awfulness that is its true nature. I’m certainly glad I didn’t buy this collection of duds digitally, as at least now I have the opportunity to sell the disc so some other poor bastard can suffer.
Presentation: 2.5/5
Story: 2.5/5
Gameplay: 1/5
Overall (not an average): 1.5/5
